Already got asked if we're dating
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Acid is not a monday night drug
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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