I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
