I bet he comes in French.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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