Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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