remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
