Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
