My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
