We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
