Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
