Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
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I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
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Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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