so that wasnt chicken after all
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
being pregnant is like rehab
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.