At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.