i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
