I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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