i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
