This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
