I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
