we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
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Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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