i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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