Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
