508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
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I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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