ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
