You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
