i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
