i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
