she was so not down for the gang bang
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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