can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
