it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
