My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
