I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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