Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
