sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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