i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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