just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
we should paint friendship bongs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
