yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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