So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
