I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
