if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
