What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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