I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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