Soap is not a condiment
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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