Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
