I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
