I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
