I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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