We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
