And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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