If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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