Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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