I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
