My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just pee around me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
