we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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