I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
