i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You have to summon your inner elephant
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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