Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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