Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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