did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
