Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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