they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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