Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
