youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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