Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
