I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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