True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
