not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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