I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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