just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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