i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
