just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
