While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize