what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
