I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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