Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
