Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
