god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
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I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
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Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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