just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
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I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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